Last week at church we were checking in Baileyanne and Noah and there was a family standing there in back of us waiting in line. They have a "little person" daughter and is precious! The mom is normal size and the dad is a dwarf (little person) like his daughter. Beautiful family! Anyway.... Baileyanne started talking to their daughter and getting right up in her face. She doesn't understand boundaries and how close is too close with anyone, let alone a little girl her size. Baileyanne asked her name and then started asking her all of these questions. I looked at the mom and I said, "I'm sorry, she is autistic and doesn't understand". She pulled me aside and told me, "Don't EVER apologize for your daughter" With my pregnancy hormones in full swing, I started tearing up as she was talking to me. She told me that Baileyanne is a gift and that I should never say sorry for who she is or the way that she portrays herself. Two days before this happened, I did the SAME EXACT thing in the line at the movies. Baileyanne got in this other little girl's face and told her that she smelled good. She had been in her mommy's perfume. I told the mom that I was sorry and that she was autistic.
I am sorry... I feel like she is "bothering" people. I am embarrassed of her and the way that she acts the majority of the time. She has gotten better though when she was little, I apologized for everything she did and used the fact that she is autistic as an excuse for the way that she was acting. I love my daughter, though there are days that I don't "like" her.
I ask God, "Why me?"... and then before I get done asking him that, I ask him, "Why NOT me?" Baileyanne is a gift. She is a precious little girl that is oblivious to her condition and the fact that she is "different"
I want to write more though this has been a crazy week. Noah got three stitches after running into a glass door at McDonald's and then at the ER while getting the stitches, he picked up a horrible virus that Baileyanne now has. 104 fevers all around. Let's pray that I don't get this one! I will try and post new pics this weekend.
3 comments:
I think you are courageous and strong and kind. Our children are an extension of ourselves and when they shine we feel shiny and when we see their imperfections we want to fix it. We want them to be better and happier for them for us.
I think that the fact that you are aware and your response to the woman's comments were introspective and not anger that you are a wonderful mom on a journey with your daughter. You are both learning the exact lessons that you are meant to learn.
I have a word gift for you and I hope you like it. "Forgive" You don't have to be perfect... you just have to keep trying.
That is such great advice!
I hope your kiddos are feeling lots better soon. I'll pray for them to be healed.
I tend to do the same thing sometimes. They hear what we say and I feel terrible that he has heard me apoligize for him. I want to be his biggest cheerleader and advocate. I always feel like I need to explain him to other people but in reality I don't. Thanks for blogging about your experiences with autism. It is an incredible journey.
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